Funny Indian Jokes

Guess what happens

2011-03-30T00:52:00.000-07:00

Watch this 1:09 min of video clip to find out what happens when a rabbit gets attacked!!

Jor se bolo

2011-03-30T00:50:00.001-07:00

Teacher : ‘A’ for?
Student : Apple !!!

Teacher : Jor se bolo…
Student : JAI MATA DI

Computer Acronyms

2011-02-19T15:43:00.000-08:00

PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can't See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

Meaning of ABCDEFG & GFEDCBA

2010-12-22T16:51:00.001-08:00

Certainly not true every time but it had me ROFL

Domain Names

2010-12-17T00:13:00.000-08:00

Choosing the right domain name is important for webmasters but checking the meaning of your desired domain name carefully before registering it should be done otherwise.........

Firstly there is "Who Represents?" - a database for agencies to the rich and famous:

http://www.whorepresents.com ---> whore presents

Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can
exchange advice and views:

http://www.expertsexchange.com ---> expert sex change

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:

http://www.penisland.net --> Penis land

Need a therapist? Try:

http://www.therapistfinder.com --> the rapist finder

Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New SouthWales:

http://www.molestationnursery.com --> molestation nursery

Boys are more evil than girls

2010-12-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, who can argue with this...Even god must be laughing his ass off!!

Insanely funny stunt in a South Indian movie

2010-12-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

So sick and funny!!

Fat Superheroes

2010-10-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

The Best Job in the World

2010-08-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

Its gotta be Yoga Instructor!!

A Deer Steals Man's Wife

2010-08-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

A Coca Cola salesman in the Middle East

2010-07-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand...
Totally exhausted and panting.

Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic,
I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman

2010-03-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

1. A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".

2. When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.

3. A modem won't say a word if you come home late.

4. A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.

5. A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.

6. You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model comes out.

7. A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.

8. A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.

9. You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents. If an error occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry about.

10. Modems come with an instruction manual. Modems have a volume control - you can even turn the sound OFF.

A Sardar's answers in his medical entrance exam

2010-03-09T09:34:00.000-08:00

Sardar was giving his medical entrance exam.
He gave definitions as follows:
Antibody:
Against everybody
Artery:
Study of fine art paintings
Cardiology:
Advanced study of playing cards
CT scan:
Scanning 4 lost whistle..
Coma:
Punctuation mark
Bacteria:
Back door to a cafeteria…

A Sardar's divorce plan

2010-03-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide?
You have 3 children.
Sardar replied: OK! We will apply next year.

Funny stupid questions in Yahoo Answers

2010-02-09T17:53:00.000-08:00

Well, Scott Adams said it right.....

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Real Best Friend Test

2010-01-26T15:18:00.000-08:00

Beyond any doubt, this test works!!!

The unsinkable pygmy gecko

2010-01-26T14:51:00.000-08:00

The tiny Brazilian pygmy gecko has water repellent skin so it can't sink.It can even stand on water." From BBC "Life" program.

Monkey Laughs after checking out puppy's weenie

2010-01-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

Poor dog..that was an insult!!!

Funny new year resolutions (with pics)

2009-12-30T02:10:00.000-08:00

Always "check for paper"
when leaving the restroom.

Always wear clean underwear, "just in case"

Stop smoking

Stop Drinking

Lose Weight

8 ways to prepare your pets for war

2009-12-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

lazy freaking cat

2009-12-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

How does a lazy cat go down the stairs?. Check out this clip to find out the answer..lol

In Pakistan

2009-10-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

Cat in a Bowl

2009-10-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

Wonder how he is even going to get out of it!!

Identify the gender

2009-08-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

So which one do you think is male or female in this animation? It shouldn't be hard..lol

Funny Kid Pics

2009-08-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

Just some random collections of hilarious pictures of kids/babies.

F**K U

With all your might, dont let me...!!

I dare you

Hungry in the wrong place and time

What's up my little bro?!!

Mom..Pussy got my weenie!!

Mom got some good shit!!

Always aim high in life

Wow those biggies!!

just curious

Funny Cliff sex animation

2009-08-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Funny live adult video chat

2009-08-20T21:54:00.000-07:00

Meaning of the word "FucK"

2009-08-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

versatile meaning of the the word "fuck". Play it and i assure you that you will laugh out loud:-)

Application Form For 'Lok Sabha Election'

2009-07-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________

2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________

3.Political Party: ____________ _________

*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)

4.Sex: [ ]
A- Male
B- Female
C- Mayawati
D- Uma Bharathi

5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian

6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above

7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose “D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs

9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years

11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow…
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A- No
B- No
C- No
D- No

14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]

Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.

What if a few things went invisible

2009-06-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

Mathematical proof that Girls are Evil

2009-04-18T04:19:00.000-07:00

girls=time+money
and everyone knows time=money
and money is the root of all evil
so girls are evil

G = T + M
T = M
M --> E
G = E

A dog saves another dog in a busy highway

2009-04-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

Incredible surveillance camera video from Chile of a stray dog risking his own life by racing across the busy highway to save his injured buddy.

Car insurance for women

2009-04-04T21:55:00.001-07:00

Funny & stupid news headlines

2009-04-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

Ridiculous news headlines from various newspapers.

What a woman wants in her man

2009-04-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

When it comes to men, what exactly are women looking for? Here's a humorous look at what a woman wants in her man.

What I Want In A Man, Original List (at age 22)

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want In A Man, Revised List (at age 32)

1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want In A Man, Revised List (at age 42)

1. Not too ugly - bald head OK
2. Doesn't drive off until I m in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends

Uncle Banta is hiding in the closet

2009-04-03T01:37:00.000-07:00

Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Banta is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the angry santa,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

Dressed or undressed women can kill men either ways

2009-04-02T03:05:00.000-07:00

"Dressed or undressed women can kill men either ways" sounds funny/stupid huh? ya i know. I couldn't come up with a better title for this post with my limited English vocabularies and my inability to convey my desired message in English to the people.

Dressed to kill

Well "dressed women can kill men" has been proven in the above pictures, the following clip consolidates my post title further. This video clip contains nudity, so it's recommended for adults only.

Here is your bill sir

2009-04-02T02:02:00.000-07:00

I actually got an animated gif of this but since blogspot doesn't seem to support gif format, i had to resort to making a video clip out of it and upload it to youtube.

Watch this video to find out how Panda reacts when he is billed.

Unbelieveable bond of friendship between a man and lions

2009-04-02T00:47:00.000-07:00

The footage shows famed "lion whisperer" of South Africa-Kevin Richardson playing with his friends(lions). I watched this video agape with wonder.

Funniest wedding moment you can ever imagine

2009-04-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and step out onto the church steps. The photographers raise their cameras following your family tradition, both of you hold white doves which you will release together. You and your new bride stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and relatives eagerly wait The main photographer gives the ready signal and you open your hands toward the sky .
Not a dry eye in the house, the cameras flash non-stop; that moment is preserved for eternity.

A stupid duck

2009-04-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

Click on the picture to view bigger size.

George W.Bush & Tony Blair are gays

2009-03-30T01:11:00.000-07:00

Here is G.W Bush/T.Blair Love song.Just read their lips

Sardar on Bus Farts!

2009-03-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

You are sardarji and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus

Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly

realize............
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

You're listening to your IPOD!

Hardcore Nike Fans

2009-03-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

The last pic reminds me of a song which goes something like... I finally died, which started the whole world living,...

With this I'm gonna Control your Life

2009-03-28T23:29:00.001-07:00

....and I'm gonna control you with my money.

My Mother is dead!!

2009-03-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

One day Banta was driving home from work, as he got out of the car he heard his friend Santa crying. "Oh my god what's wrong?" Banta asked. "My mother just died!" said Santa crying out. Banta feeling sorry for his friend comforted him for the whole day. The next day Banta saw Santa crying outside. "Now what the hell is wrong?!" Banta asked. "Ohh, it's terrible...my sister called, and her mother died too!"

Russell Peters-Cheap Indians and Chinese

2009-03-07T00:28:00.000-08:00

Russell Peters again!!..You'll notice that i have removed few seconds in this video as youtube allows to upload video of maximum 10 minutes duration but i bet that you are going to have a belly laugh watching this video!!

36 ways to identify an Indian

2009-02-16T02:41:00.000-08:00

1. Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.

3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children! in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed' ..

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think..

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions,which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learn how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle orAunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections ! to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

33. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35.. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

Definitely #3,8,20,21,23,28 and 36 applies to me:-) what about you, my fellow Indians?

Ironing mishap

2009-01-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

Seems like this Indian guy(probably) was so engrossed in ironing his shirt that he didn't really realise what he was picking up when he tried to attend his phone call.

Domestic quarrel

2008-12-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

During a domestic quarrel our Sardarji hid himself under a bed. At last his wife found him out. She asked him to come out. To this he replied: "I am not afraid of you. After all I am a man. If I say I won't come out, I won't.

To look pretty

2008-12-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

Little Munni: Auntie, why do you put that powder on your face?

Auntie: To make myself look pretty.

Little Munni: Then why doesn't it work?

Long Indian name

2008-12-13T11:04:00.000-08:00

A small Indian boy appeared in the class of a London school teacher for the first time and she asked him his name. 'Venkataratnam Narasimha Rattaiah," he said. When she asked, "How do you spell it?" he replied, "My mother helps me."

Santa's confession to his fiancee

2008-11-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

'Before we get married,' said Santa to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'

'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.

'Yes, darling,' Santa explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'

Chicken Fried Rice

2008-10-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ah!!..i think they forgot to add chicken-less-bones in their menu.

The great sardar kidnap

2008-10-13T03:00:00.000-07:00

A Sardar was down on his luck. In order to raise some money, he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

He then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put 2 lakhs in cash in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Sardar."

The Sardar then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardar checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

He opened the bag and found the exact amount of money as demanded with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardar?"

Indian music videos with English subtitles

2008-08-13T02:08:00.000-07:00

With millions of views of the following Indian music videos with english subtitles, i don't know whether you have missed out these videos from buffalax, a youtuber. He came up with english lyrics for these songs. The lyrics might not be even close to what these songs really means but i am certain that you'll crack up. Just watch and see it for yourself.

Indian Thriller

Benny lava

Tunak Tunak Tun

Why do you wear that for?

2008-08-13T01:57:00.000-07:00

Sardarji watched his flat-chested wife as she tried on her new brassiere.

'What did you buy that for?' he asked. 'You haven't got anything to put in it.'

'You wear shorts don't you?' she retorted.

Santa Singh's Interview

2008-06-28T02:15:00.001-07:00

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Santa Singh: Bad.

Interviewer: Come.
Santa Singh: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly.
Santa Singh: Pichlli.

Interviewer: U G L Y?
Santa Singh: PICHLLY !!!!!!!

Interviewer: Shut Up.
Santa Singh: Keep Talking.

Interviewer: Get Out.
Santa Singh: Come In.

Interviewer: Oh my God.
Santa Singh: Oh your Devil.

Interviewer: You are Rejected.
Santa Singh: I am Selected.

an Indian who wannabe a true American

2008-06-28T02:02:00.000-07:00

An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;

His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.

Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.

When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.

Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.

"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .

The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.

Faster than the Japanese's blah blah blah...

2008-05-20T05:24:00.000-07:00

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!

The Japanese exclaimed, "What??â€¦ so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

Disk Full

2008-04-10T02:57:00.000-07:00

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

Russel Peters on Indian Accent

2008-03-24T04:25:00.000-07:00

Stand-up comedian Russel Peters giving a hilarious show on Indian accent.

Indian Midget Dancer

2008-03-22T03:41:00.000-07:00

This Indian midget has got the moves..I don't have much info about this clip except that the man in the cot is a famous and popular Indian actor 'Rajnikanth'..Oh Man! i like his style of lighting up the cigarettes in movies

New TV

2008-02-29T02:42:00.000-08:00

While visiting Santa's house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.
Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

"Oh," Santa replied, "I have decided to watch less Tv."

Egg Dispute

2008-02-25T04:00:00.000-08:00

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Elephant ride

2008-02-15T04:09:00.000-08:00

Elephant in the truck?!?!...Never heard or saw such things but probably it happens in India

Funny Indian Road Signs

2008-02-15T03:18:00.000-08:00

Funny road signs somewhere in India.

Shopping in burma bazaar

2008-01-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.

His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.

Laloo's Son Marriage Proposal

2008-01-09T03:55:00.000-08:00

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.

Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

This is how business is done!!!

A Bengali and a Punjabi In ICU

2008-01-08T03:40:00.000-08:00

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

Sardarji in cybercafe

2008-01-08T03:07:00.000-08:00

Once sardarji entered a cybercafe to check his mails.It was crowded so he had to wait.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails.He stood behind him and watched.The man typed his password and was waiting when sardarji cried out "Yes yes I know your password.I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Sardarji replied " Five stars."

Fifteen inches curtain

2008-01-08T02:43:00.000-08:00

Sardarji enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Sardarji replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Sardarji tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Sardarji says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Buses In India

2008-01-02T05:15:00.000-08:00

You have seen trains in India (atleast in the pictures) , now check out buses in India!

Short SMS sardar jokes

2008-01-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

Here are some great funny short sms jokes based on sardars. If you think you have a better sardar joke than any of the jokes listed in here, please do use the comment form to submit your jokes.

Why are sardar's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
It only affects the brain.

How do sardars go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

Why did a sardar tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping tablets!

What do sardars and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up!

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Sardarji: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa does not turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.

Sardarji goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking!"
Doctor replies, "Do you drink much?"
Sardarji says, "No, I spill most of it!"

Sardarji is at the airport.
- Name?
- Santa .
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean, male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn ´ t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast! :-))

How do you make a sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

A sardar saw a beautiful girl. He went and kissed her.
GIRL: “stupid,what are you doin…?”
Sardar: ” B.Com Final Year.

How do you keep a Sardar busy for hours?
Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

How do you confuse a sardar?
You don't. They're born that way.

There was a sardar driving down the road one day. He glanced to his right and noticed another sardar sitting in a nearby field. He was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The sardar angrily pulled his car over and yelled at the rowing sardar, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us sardars a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Q : Why do people other than sardars likes jokes based on sardarjis so much?
A : Because they can understand them.

A letter to Bill Gates from Banta Singh

2007-12-31T06:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought acomputer for our home and we encountered some problems, which I want to bring toyour notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account andwhenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field.

We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.

I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what thepassword is.

2. We are not able to enter anything after we click the 'shut down 'button.

3. There's a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not functioning the right way. My wife lostthe door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',but not able to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' fromCAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are you coming to my home tocollect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoftsentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only oneicon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?

11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.

Thanks
Banta Singh…

Message on the birthday cake

2007-12-24T04:45:00.000-08:00

Banta Singh wishes to observe his wife’s birthday by holding a party. So he goes to arrange a birthday cake.

The salesman inquires him what message he prefers to* use on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and tells: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman demands, “How do you wish me to set it up ? ”

Sardar says, well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.

The true fun didn’t kickoff until the cake was opened the entire party viewed the message decorated on the cake:

“You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bottom”.

What is your favorite flower?

2007-12-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together. An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower? ”
The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’ ‘Ha, I wipe my shit with that! ’ the Englishman jeered.
The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.
The Muslim replied: “Chameli” ‘Ha I wipe my shit with that! ’ The Englishman response
The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.
The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower? ’ Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now wipe your ass with that! ”

Trains in India

2007-12-16T03:36:00.000-08:00

You got to believe it ..you can come across such sights if you happen to be in India!!!

Airline Ads in India

2007-12-15T03:33:00.000-08:00

Humorously outsmarting the competitors

LInk exchange?

2007-12-13T01:51:00.000-08:00

If you are interested in exchanging link with this blog, the following criteria has to be met:

It must be an entertainment blog.
Your blog must have a page rank of atleast 2.
If you want 3 way link exchange, the blog that you want this blog to be linked to should not be monetary or porno related.

For your request for link exchange to be entertained faster, please let me know thro' your comments on the latest post in this blog.

Thanks and regards to you all

funny-indian-jokes.blogspot.com

Santa - "GOD"

2007-11-12T03:54:00.000-08:00

Santa: People consider me as "God"

Banta: How do you know??

Santa: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh God ! U’ve come again...

Radio

2007-11-12T03:52:00.000-08:00

Banta: You cheated me with this radio.

Santa (shopkeeper): No, I sold a good radio to you.

Banta: Radio label shows ‘Made in Japan’ but the radio says ‘This is all India Radio’!

At the accident scene

2007-11-12T03:05:00.000-08:00

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Asking out for a date

2007-11-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do...

IB, CBI and Delhi Police apprehending criminals

2007-11-07T05:16:00.000-08:00

The IB, CBI and Delhi Police are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The PM decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch.

The IB goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The CBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The Delhi Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

Finger prints

2007-11-07T04:57:00.000-08:00

Police Inspector: Have you caught the thief?
Hawaldar: No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector: What?
Hawaldar: Finger prints.
Police Inspector: Where?
Hawaldar: On my cheeks.

Desi Marriage FAQ For Dummies

2007-11-07T04:53:00.000-08:00

Q: What is an arranged marriage?

A1: Arranged marriage is the process through which a loser like him will get a knockout like her that he will never get in real life.

A2: Arranged marriage is the process through which she will get the BMW of her dreams by marrying the doctor of her nightmares.

Q: How many functions are there in a desi marriage?

A1: It depends on how much your parents love you and how much they are prepared to spend on you. Parents, if you have two kids, decide which one you love more now. The other one is going to elope.

A2: Three functions.

Q: What's the first of the three functions?

A: It's called a holud ceremony, literally the "yellow" ceremony.

Apparently, we have discovered a breakthrough scientific formula.

Brown + Yellow = White.

Because our ultimate aim in life is to look like this.

Q: What is the second ceremony?

A: It is called the akht. This is where the imam decides because a girl is silently crying she is happily agreeing to the marriage, whereas the boy (who should really be the one to be crying) has to soundly pronounce "I do" before the imam will say the magic words "you are now married".

They say marriage completes half of your deen (religion). It is observed that men become more religious after marriage. It is because they realize what they have gotten into and start praying more often.

It is also noted that men become fatter after their wedding. It is due to the fact that when a bachelor comes home, he sees what's in the fridge and goes to bed. Whereas the married man comes home, sees what's in the bed and goes to the fridge.

Q: What is a walimah or reception?

A: This is the occasion where we invite all the people we don't really like but have to invite anyways (also known as relatives), so that they can stand and gawk at us making corny jokes about our supposed night of passion.

Q: Who is the first person to leave the gathering?

A: It's the imam. We invite him so he can say the obligatory Quran recitation, do some lecture on why marriage is important, eat and then leave, so we can start our gaana bajaana (music). It's usually best to invite Bengali imams. They know very little Quran so they usually recite Surah Asr (only three verses - very short). The translation is even shorter as they don't know Arabic so just talk in general of why the President of America is an evil man.

A guide to checking out the bride:

Yes, we all know why you are really in the line to take a picture with your 'friend' and your new bhabi - you really want to see how lucky the bast*** got. So this is how you do it.

1. Keep your gaze down.

Be like a good modest desi and lower your gaze. That way, when the time comes, you can look up. Slowly. And check her out completely from bottom to top. If you start at the top, once she starts saying "Hi" you are stuck, you gotta look at her face and make small talk.

2. Don't let out a whistle.

Very important.

How to check out the groom:

Just gaze at any standard guy in a tux and a tie. They all look the same.

Bengali Joke

2007-10-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

An angry Bengali letter? Chitti-chitti Bong! Bong
A talkative Bengali? Bulbul Chatterjee
An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee
An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu
A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu
A Bengali marriage? Bedding
A Bengali voyeur? Keyhollo
A mad Bengali? In Sen (insane)
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha
A perfumed Bengali? Chandan Dass
A Bengali goldsmith? Shonar Bongla
What's bigger than the Bay of Bengal? The Bengali Ego
When does a Bengali sound like a dog? When he says Bow (wow)
Also when he bharks! (works).

Hidden cameras

2007-07-20T05:17:00.000-07:00

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!" Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?"

Bengali Jokes

2007-07-18T04:10:00.001-07:00

Q : How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A : He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij. :

Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit. :

Q: What did a Bengali voyeur say to another?
A: Keyhollo?

Q: What do u call a firebrand Bong?
A: Gun-goli.

Air India

2007-07-10T04:34:00.000-07:00

Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.

The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.

"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

"What is it?" asked the American.

"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.

"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.

The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"

Recognizing a Sardar

2007-07-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” he puts
“Sagittarius.”.
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, “Airport left”, he turns ground and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Lie detector

2007-06-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says:
“I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer”. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
“Ok”, he says, “10 bottles”.
And the machine is silent.
The American says: “I think I can eat 15 hamburgers”.
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
“Allright, 8 hamburgers”.
And the machine’s silent.
The Sardarji says:
“I think…”,
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

Identification of Sardar

2007-03-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

You can be sure it is a sardarji when somebody:

– Sends a fax with a stamp on it.
– Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
– Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead,
– Boards another bus in extreme hurry and upon seeing it is a 23C cut (\) service, promptly gets down thinking that
the bus route is cancelled.
– Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport left”, he turned around and went home.
– Got locked in Furniture Shop and slept on the floor.
– At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” he put Sagittarius.”
– Studies for a blood test and fails.
– Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
– Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.
– Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

Ghati Jokes

2007-03-18T05:13:00.000-07:00

Ghat jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A : Western Ghat.

Q : What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A : Sabudana Khichdi.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A : Cool-karni.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A : Ba-gul.

Q : What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A : Urmila MakkadTondkar.

Q : Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?
A : That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :

Punjab Developement

2007-02-25T05:09:00.000-08:00

Once all Sardarji’s clubed together and decided to develop Punjab and they
wanted the Punjab as a Developed State.

Each of them started giving suggestions … finally one great Sardarji gave
a suggestion with a huge volume “Lets fight with Indian Government, get
freedom from India then, Declare war on America…. We will be definitely
defeated by America and we shall be the part of the America and then they
will obviously develop our punjab also”….

“Wow” the crowd cheered up….. there was at last a thin voice asking ……..

“What about if we win ?”

UP Jokes

2007-02-22T04:43:00.000-08:00

A U.P. Botanist?
Agni-hot-tree.

a son of 2 fathers .. Dvivedi
of 3 fathers .. Trivedi
of 4 fathers .. Chaturvedi
of 5 fathers .. Pandey
of several fathers .. Misra
of unknown parentage .. Gupta

Typical Indian

2007-02-18T05:53:00.000-08:00

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married : " Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her ."

An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: "Take an elephant of negligible weight"

Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour any liquid solution of sulphuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape."

"Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"

He/she's my cousin brother/sister.

"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"

"Hey, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"

"I have to put my child to sleep"

" Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A. "

" Don't talk bad in front of my back "

Did you cut the ticket, yet?

"Entry too entry otherwise disentry"

The principal just passed away.

Who took out the breeze of my cykill.

My cykill is understanding the tree.

Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in"!

"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in "

10 Rules for Bollywood Film Making

2007-02-18T03:54:00.000-08:00

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.

10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killedby the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax

Beautiful wife

2007-02-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

A man and his wife were walking on a busy street. Coming to a corner a begger shouted out to the lady:
"Oh sundari!!! andhha huu. sawa panch rupya de de" (Oh beautiful!! I am blind give me five and a quarter rupees)

At once her husband told her: "de de, de de, tujhhe sundari bola hai to har haal me ye andhha hi hai!!" (Give him what he asks, If he thinks you are beautiful then there is no doubt that he is blind!!)