Bihari lecturer having a problem with english

A new Bihari lecturer was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him.

So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he didn't know how to put it in English..

He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me". The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class

laloo to telephone operator

Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator:
"COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATNA AND LAS VEGAS?"

Operator: "JUST A MINUTE, SIR ..."

Laloo: "THANK YOU", AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

A mug of beer

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

African : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

Indian: Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, blames it as long term ISI operation, terms the insect as a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the beer and demand that US should declare Pakistan a terrorist state

Sardar's Weight Loss

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.

"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.

I'm 2400 kms from home.

Delhi Jokes

Q : Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness
and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is
the best place be in?
A : Inside the bus.
--------------------------------------------

Q: Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city
(Maha Nagri)?
A: Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.

Gujju Jokes

Why did the Gujju think the film Gandhi was about a woman?
Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.

A Gujju Business house?
Kalabhai-Salabhai.

Why did the Gujju go to Rome?
To listen to Pop(e) music.

Bill Gates and Madhuri Dixit

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:

* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
* English Babu Desi Mem.
* Brain marries Beauty!?
* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?
Ooo Windows mein  Bill hai mera...
* The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."
* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.
* Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain
* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...
* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !

Call to cricket team manager

Indian Team Manager : "Hello" (over Phone)

Caller :"Can I talk to dada Please,I am his friend and calling from Hyderabad."

Indian Team Manager: "Sorry,he went to bat"

Dada's friend: "No Problem Manager, I will Hold on"

Baaziger to Bhajigar

Dialogues:

1) Baaziger:

"Kuch pane ke liye bhi kuch khona padta hai, aur kuch pa kar khone wale ko
Baziger kehte hain".

Bhaji Ghar:

"Pet bharne ke liye kuch khana padta hai , aur kuch khane ki cheezien
bechne wali jaga ko Bhaji Ghar kehte hain."

2) Mohabbatien:

"Ek ladki thi dewani si , Ek ladke pe woh marti thi , nazren jhuka ke ,
sharma ke , galion se guzrti thi , chori chori chupke chupke chitthiyan
likha karti thi, kuch kehna tha shayad us ko , jane kis se darti thi,jab
bhi milti thi mujh se , mujh se poocha karti thi, yeh pyar kaise hota hai , yeh
pyar kaise hota hai , aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha"

Musebatien:

"Ek ladka tha pagal sa, ek moti pe woh marta tha ,
nazrien chupa ke, dar dar ke , date pe jaya karta tha , kuch kehna tha
sayad us ko , magar us moti se darta tha , jab bhi milta tha bechara mujh
se mujh se poocha karta tha , " main chutkara kaise paoooon, main chutkara
kaise paooon", aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha ("abe to aise lafron main
padta hi kyun hai )"

3) Darr:

"kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Kiran"

Marr:

woh: "kkkkk" , samne wala: "kya bhai" , woh: "kkkkkkkk", samne wala : "kya
bhai kya ho gaya", woh: "kkkkkkk", samne wale ne thappad laga di, "kya kab
se kkkkkkkkkk kar raha hai be"


4) Kuch Kuch hota hai:

"Pyar dosti hai , agar woh meri sab se acchi dost nahi ban sakti to main us
se pyaar kar hi nahi sakta"

Kuch Kuch Zaroor ho raha hai:

"Date bahaut zaroori hai , agar woh mere saath date par nahi aa sakti , to
main us se pyaar kya pyaar ka abba bhi nahi kar sakta" (Samajhti kya hai
apne aap ko)"

5)Sholay:

"Are oh samba, Kitne admi the re, hahahaha, Jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya"

Tolay:

"Mummmmyyyy, kitne toley hain mere sar main", Mummy : "Jo pakra gaya samjho
mar gaya"

6)Kante:

"Ek din hum sab ko narakh main to jana hi hai , yeh kam karo aur lambi gadi
main jao nahi to pedal"

Chante:

"Ek din hum sab ko date par to jana hi hai , ek kam karo , GF ko bus main
bithao , aur khud jao pedal (Paise bacaho)


7)Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum:

"Parampara Dad, Parampara , pehle aap gaye the phir bhaiya gaye the aur ab
mujhe jana chahiye"

Kabhi tum Kabhi hum:

"Parampara Dad , Parampara, pehle aap date par jate the , phir bhaiya jane
lage , ab main bhi jaooon ga"